Off Screen
by Yukari Kurochi
Summary: A collection of short stories, crack fics.
1. Skittles

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 07 GHOST! Opening! I know this really isn't a chapter but I'll make it into one by giving myself a topic! This series will be based on random topics you guys give me! Either PM with a topic you want me to write a short story on or review and tell me what topic you want me to do! So now, I will give my self the topic of: Skittles!

I ran into the building one day with my arms full of some candy. SHOMEONE! OHEN THE OHICE DHOR! THE ANDY IS SHLIPPING OUT OF MA GHRASP!" I tried to say the best I could with a pack of candy inside my mouth.

Ayanami opened to door for me. "You're annoying. Take the bag of candy out of your mouth."

I dropped off the candy on Ayanami's desk.

"What? It' not for me?" Hyuuga whined.

"No, surprisingly it was for Ayanami-sama." I went down to get mail, but apparently I got stuck with this as well. "They said…Teito sent this too you along with a verbal message of 'I hope you die from eating too much candy while doing paperwork.' I highly doubt you would die but… I think he was just being nice."

Ayanami just stared at the piles and piles of candy on his desk.

"There's more, I came back in here for a wheel barrow." Katsuragi handed me one and I went out the room to get the rest of the package.

"Aya-tan~, are you not going to eat them?" Hyuuga abandoned his paperwork and went to examine the candy. "Oh hey! He even got some Skittles!"

"Take as many as you want." Ayanami swept all the candy on the floor and continued doing paperwork.

"Aya-tan! Don't you want to taste the rainbow?" Hyuuga offered him some skittles.

"Coming through! More candy For Ayanami-sama!" I wheeled in a wheel barrow. "Teito must really love you neh, Krowell-kun?"

"Yukari, he trying to kill me by making you bury me under piles and piles of candy." Ayanami pointed at Hyuuga's desk for me to deliver them.

"Oh. Where's Hyuuga?" I asked.

"He's outside giving everyone a chance to 'taste the rainbow'." Konatsu responded.

I crossed my arms, "So, Krowell, which part of the rainbow do you like best?" I asked Ayanami.

I earned a glare for my question. "Shut up, you're getting annoying."

The world may never know which part of the rainbow Ayanami likes the best.


	2. Birthday

**DISCLAIMER: I DON NOT OWN ANY BIT OF 07 GHOST. I ONLY OWN MY OWN CHARACTERS. THIS CHAPTER'S TOPIC COMES FROM ONE OF MY FRIENDS WHO GAVE ME THIS IDEA BECAUSE IT WAS HER BIRTHDAY! Topic: Birthday! Bit and pieces of this story came form one of the drama cd's.**

One morning, Hyuuga burst into the room yelling, "IT'S AYA-TAN'S BIRTHDAY! LETS BAKE HIM A CAKE!"

Me knowing all of Hyuuga's idea's always backfired in some way, slowly backed out the room, dragging my (ex) beglieter, Alice and Grace out with me. They haven't been in the Black Hawks as long as me so they don't know the dangers of the outcome of Hyuuga's ideas plus Ayanami-sama.

"You guys really shouldn't participate in Hyuuga's ideas, especially not when he goes nuts about Ayanami's birthday. Last year, they tried to get a happy birthday sign to spring out from the cake, but the cake ended up in Ayanami-sama's face." I recounted my memories, "And the year before that, Kuroyuri made the cake. And when Hyuuga taste tested it, he nearly died because of all the 'flavor' it had."

"Wow, I would have liked to see that." Alice said, "I was away on a stupid mission of delivering a puppy to that no good Shuri Oak."

"So, should we come up with our own way of celebrating Ayanami-sama's birthday?" Grace asked.

I patted their head, "Of course! But I'll make this a challenge; you have to make your own cake for Ayanami-sama." and I left them with that.

"So Grace, we all know that Ayanami-sama is really Verloren." Alice said walking toward the kitchen, "And Verloren is like … let's just say 2,000 years old."

Grace followed, "But that would mean 2,000 candles!"

Alice pushed open the doors to the kitchen. "That calls for a super large cake and a lot of candle cramming!"

The two mixed, baked, and frosted. Within 3 hours, they had baked this 5 foot by 7 foot cake, covered in fondue with strawberries, grapes, orange slices, chocolate, and cherries lining the edges.

Meanwhile back in Ayanami's room…

"I hope they don't do anything … too creative for your birthday Krowell." I said while sitting on his desk.

"Hmph. They better not." Ayanami kept working on paperwork.

I looked over at him, "Are you being grumpy again? You shouldn't be grumpy on your birthday! Come on smile! Smile for me!"

"Oh I'll be smiling when you get your punishment for annoying me Yukari." He reached for his whip.

"Okay, okay. You don't like smiling." I put my hands up in defeat. "But anyway," I reached down and grabbed a bag. "Happy birthday Krowell." I handed it to him.

A small furry head popped out, "Nyan?" Ayanami just stared at it.

"I couldn't resist. His snow white fur reminded me of your hair so much." I smiled.

"Whatever. You're being annoying little kitty, shush." He put the kitten on the floor.

I inwardly laughed, the great Ayanami has lost to the little kitten! One score for me!

"AYA-TAN! We brought you cake." Hyuuga pushed a cart with a cake that looked exactly like Ayanami through the door. There was even a little candle on the top of the hat. I wasn't gonna stay an watch it. I backed out the room and leaned against the wall waiting for the door to explode open and Hyuuga fly out. An indeed it did.

"Next time, you should just do a simple cake Hyuuga." I pulled him up to his feet.

"Coming through!" Alice pushed her way though with a cart carrying a huge cake. Grace opened the doors.

"Happy birthday Ayanami-sama!" Grace took out a blow torch and lit all the candles on fire.

Ayanami just stared at the cake that now looked like as if it was on fire.

"Make… a … wish… Ayanami…" I was clutching at my stomach laughing and I threw him a fire extinguisher.

~Happy Birthday!~

**Author's Notes: Alright, I totally had fun while writing this. Remember, you can PM me or review this story with a topic you might want me to write about. I will try my best to make a story that you will like.**


	3. Sale

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 07 GHOST. I ONLY OW MY OWN CHARACTERS, YUKARI, ALICE, AND GRACE. TODAY'S PROMPT FOR OFF SCREEN, WAS GIVEN TOO ME WHEN I WAS WATCHING ACCHI KOCCHI. SO THE PROMPT TODAY WILL BE: SALE. PLEASE IF YOU HAVE ANY PROMTS YOU WISH FOR ME TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT, PM ME OR LEAVE A REVIEW. THANK YOU~! SORRY IT'S SO SHORT!**

"Yukari~chan, Alice~chan! How did you get all that candy? I heard that they were on sale in the store, but by the time I got there, there was none left!" Hyuuga asked me.

I pouted, "I got them, but I also got yelled at by General Oak."

"How?!"

Let's rewind a little bit shall we?

"COME ON ALICE! THE CANDY IS HALF OFF IN THE STAFF STORE!" I dashed down the hall way.

"That's why we are driving a Hawkzile in the building right?" Alice and I sped down the hallway and past an already ticked off General Oak.

"NO HAWKZILES INSIDE THE BUILDING!" he chased after us to give us some sort of punishment, but we hopped off the Hawkzile, through an open window, landed safely on the ground, and kept on running.

"People who are reading this, please do not try this at home or school. This is in the world of anime and the writer can just backspace the text and make it so that it never happened." I said.

"Yukari-sama! Who are you talking to!?"

"No one ~"

"So yeah, that's what happened." Alice munched on a chocolate bar. Never underestimate us when there is a sale.


	4. Cereal

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 07 GHOST. I ONLY OW MY OWN CHARACTERS, YUKARI, ALICE, AND GRACE. TODAY'S PROMT COMES FROM CHEN KUROCHI, WITH THE RANDOM TOPIC OF CEREAL. GOT THIS IDEA FROM AN AD I SAW ON TV. THANK YOU CHEN FOR YOU WONDERFUL, RANDOM PROMT. I TRIED MY BEST. ENJOY!**

"Hey what's with the cereal today?" I grabbed the box of cereal from the table top. "What happened to my favorite cinnamon cereal?"

"Oh, yeah…we ran out of that, you'll just have to stick with Cheerios Yukari-sama." Konatsu called over.

I sat down and began reading the label while eating my cereal. Heart healthy, lowers cholesterol, etc. After I finished, I went to deliver some paperwork to General Oak.

The first thing I saw when I got back was Hyuuga flying out Ayanami's office clinging on the office door, then tried to fly and crashed onto the ground.

"What did you do this time Hyuuga?" I picked the door up off of Hyuuga and helped him up.

"All I said was 'Aya-tan! You're so pale all the time! Is it true that you have a disease or something? It has something to do with your heart right? You work so fast that you heart can't keep up and therefore you so pale since blood isn't distributed fast enough!'" with that Hyuuga went away to go chop something up.

I peeked inside Ayanami's office and saw him working again. _'He really is pale… I think I know what to do.'_

~Next Morning~

"WHO POURED CEREAL ALL OVER ME WHEN I WAS SLEEPING?!" Ayanami roared when he came into the office this morning holding a handful of Cheerios, now turning into Cheerio dust.

I walked up to him, and pouted, "It didn't work. You still as pale as ever."

A whip appeared in Ayanami's hands.

"Hyuuga said that you were so pale because your heart couldn't keep up with you pace of work, so blood couldn't be distributed quickly enough." I explained while holding up the empty box of Cheerios, "And these say that it was heart healthy, so I figured that it would help cure you."

Ayanami slowly turned toward Hyuuga.

To tell the truth, Hyuuga was probably paler than Ayanami at that time. Too bad I used all the Cheerios on Ayanami…


	5. Kittens

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY BIT OF 07 GHOST. I ONLY OWN MY OWN CHARACTERS. SPECIAL THANKS TO Jinnxe ForeverKuran Kinomoto FOR GIVING ME THE TOPIC OF HYUUGA FILLING AYANAMI'S ROOM THINKING IT WOULD MAKE HIM HAPPY. THANK YOU AND ENJOY THIS STORY~ AND KEEP THOSE RANDOM TOPICS COMING!**

** SOLD OUT!** I looked at the sign. They have got to be kidding me.

"Are you SURE you sold out of kittens?" I asked the store manager once more.

"For the 438th time, yes I am sure." The store manager had quite a bit of patience.

"How can you be out of kittens?!" Mochi appeared on top of my head mewing pitifully in agreement. "Yesterday you said you have a shipment of 60 kittens coming in!" Thus the argument continued.

Meanwhile in Barsburg, Hyuuga was still trying to please Aya-tan.

"He'll be so overjoyed when he opens this box labeled paperwork and find out that inside is actually kittens~!" Hyuuga gleefully put a gigantic box that contained 60 kittens near his superior's desk.

"Then he might finally be kinder towards me~!"

In a nearby meeting, the always healthy Chief of Staff sneezed.

"Ayanami-kun" Miroku huffed, "Are you sick? If you are you may be excused from this meeting."

"I am not sick Chairman Miroku. Please continue with your speech." The meeting went on.

"BUT MOCHI"S GONNA BE SO LONELY WITHOUT A COMPANION!" I cried out loud alarming a few nearby people.

"But Miss! We don't have anymore kittens! The next shipment will be in a week!" the store manager said again.

Finally I stopped. "Really?! I'll be back in a week then!" And I skipped off with Mochi in my arms back towards Barsburg.

The store manager just sighed. _So that was what it was like to be young. _

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Ayanami had opened the door to see about 60 kittens running about is his room. The kittens had escaped their little PAPERWORK box.

I peeked inside the room. "Ayanami-kun…did you order these kittens? I went down the shop to see if they had a kitten for Mochi's companion, but they didn't have any."

"No I did not order ANY of these kittens Yukari." Ayanami turned around and stormed off to find the culprit that was most likely to have caused this mess. Hyuuga.

Well needless to say, Mochi now had a lot of new friends.


	6. Goose

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY BIT OF 07 GHOST. I ONLY OWN MY OWN CHARACTERS. SPECIAL THANKS TO MYRHH FOR GIVING ME THE RANDOM TOPIC OF AYANAMI ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE. HERE'S YOUR STORY AS PROMISED, AND THANK YOU! pLEASE ENJOY THIS STORY~ AND KEEP THOSE RANDOM TOPICS FOR MY PLOT BUNNIES COMING!**

"Has anyone seen Hyuuga?" Ayanami burst through the office doors with no hat on. A marker mustache, and red lipstick kiss mark on his cheek, and the words Verloren scrawled on his forehead.

"No…"

"Not really."

"I SAW HIM!" I yelled. "He went… that way!" and I pointed at the window.

Well, you might be wondering what happened right? Well, I'll explain in right now. You see, last night while Ayanami was busy working on his documents, Hyuuga and I played a small game of truth or dare. Hyuuga was dared to steal Ayanami's hat, give him a mustache, lip stick mark, and to write Verloren on his forehead, and not to mention turn into a goose and run away. Me, I got the easy part of the deal…well hard part of the deal. I was supposed to lie to Ayanami on where Hyuuga was and continue to lie for the next 4 hours if he asks me. But sadly, my superior basically had a lie detector built into him from the moment he was born, so lying was not easy.

Ayanami dashed the window. And a goose soon appeared out from behind his desk.

'Good work Yukari-chan. Just keep that up for another 3 hours and 45 minutes! Make sure Aya-tan doesn't kill you!' Hyuuga said using Zaiphon.

"Oh whatever. No shoo! Go migrate somewhere else in the building!" I threw him out the opposite window. "And I hope you know how to fly!"

Oh he flew alright, straight into a window, slid down onto the balcony below and started waddling away.

"HE WENT THAT WAY!" the chase continued that day. Ayanami was so angry, he didn't even bother washing the stuff off before continuing to chase Hyuuga.

"NO! NOT THAT WAY! THE OTHER WAY!" I yelled again.

"Yukari! Are you giving me the wrong directions?!" Ayanami angrily loomed over me. Sadly, he wasn't as intimidating as before.

"No of course not Krowell~kun! Now you better go catch him!" so the chase went on!

2 hours left~

"KROWELL! HE'S OVER THERE! I SWEAR I JUST SAW HIM!"

1 hour left~

"YUKARI! HOW CAN HE BE INSIDE THE GIRLS BATHROOM?! ARE YOU LYING?!"

30 minutes left~

"KROWELL! I JUST SAW HIM IN HALLWAY #481!"

10 minutes left~

"YUKARI! HALLWAY #481 IS BLOCKED! HOW COULD HE HAVE GONE HERE?!"

5 minutes left~

"KROWELL! HE'S INISDE THE OFFICE!"

Time up~!

The door to the office burst open and there was Hyuuga sitting there eating a watermelon lollipop.

"Oh hey, I never knew you were in here!" I peeked out from behind Ayanami. "I guess my prediction was right!"

Ayanami advanced towards Hyuuga.

"And now I predict that someone will suffer a great deal of pain and paperwork!"

Well now, everyone knows that most of my predictions come true~


	7. Paperwork

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY BIT OF 07 GHOST. I ONLY OWN MY OWN CHARACTERS. SPECIAL THANKS TO ****Anisthasia**** FOR GIVING ME THE RANDOM TOPIC OF HIDING AYANAMI'S PAPERWORK. HERE'S YOUR STORY AS PROMISED, AND THANK YOU! PLEASE ENJOY THIS STORY~ AND KEEP THOSE RANDOM TOPICS FOR MY PLOT BUNNIES COMING! **

**Btw people I AM NOT DEAD! I haven't been uploading because I'm watching new anime, planning more stories, working on new stories, hold off on other stories, playing the piano, playing the violin, and I have events to go to as well as other stuff e_e it's tiring.**

"TEITO!" I ran up to my dear Krowell's nephew. "Do you think you can help me with something to get Ayanami back for drinking my precious coffee?"

Frau immediately appeared out of nowhere, pushed me back away from Teito.

"FRAU!" Teito whacked the bishop on the head.

"What?! Anyone that knows Ayanami is bad news even if they are pretty!" Frau argued back.

I just stood there. Teito was like a miniature version of Krowell, only much more cute and vey happy.

"SO?! I trust Yukari much more than you!" Frau then proceeded to wither away in shock.

I winced, Teito must stepped on a landmine.

"And she's much better than you!" Frau abruptly died at that point.

I shook my head, Teito just dealt the finishing blow.

"So will you help me Teito?" I asked again.

Teito nodded in a yes. "This will be considered practice on killing Ayanami right?"

I smiled at Teito, "I guess you can say that. Now put this uniform on. I'll sneak you in as my beglieter, since I don't have one, Grace just graduated 2 weeks ago." I threw a uniform at Teito. "And don't worry Frau! I promise, Ayanami-kun will not lay a single finger on Teito."

"Excuse me miss. But, can you show me your ID to pass into the Barsburg empire?" a guard asked. I gave him my Black Hawks Status ID.

"Are you sure you are a Black Hawk?" the guard clearly wasn't very bright.

"Yes, I am sure, or do you want me to get Ayanami-kun over here to prove that I am right?" I was quickly losing my temper.

Another guard ran over, "I'm so sorry about my subordinate's behavior Yukari-sama! Please do not report this is Ayanami-sama!" I nodded. My reputation was second to Ayanami's. No one ever messes with me, with the exception of Hyuuga and Ayanami.

We continued inside until we were in the Black Hawks office. To me… it was fairy roomy…(my room is bigger since I managed to convince Chairman Miroku to let me break down walls to 3 other rooms then remodel, he always had a soft spot for me. And yes I took a jack hammer and broke down walls) to other people it was like, OMYGOSH! WHY DO THEY GET A GIANT ROOM?! The only response if have for that is, WHY DO YOU GET LESS PAPERWORK THAN US?!

Teito, being a curious kid, started exploring. "Why is there a secret compartment filled with lollipops?"

Good thing Krowell was in a meeting right now. "Oh! You found that? That's Hyuuga's Secret Lollipop hiding place. I'm surprised, even I haven't found it yet!"

"Alright, what do I have to do to start practicing on how to kill Ayanami?" Teito was such a good student!

"Well, let's see. The only way you can truly kill an officer is by either giving them more paperwork or by stealing their paperwork." I took all of Krowell's paperwork from his desk. "So I don't really want to kill him yet, so let's just hide it and leave clues to where the next piece is!"

It worked out perfectly! Though at one point Teito was begging me to put some paperwork in the girl's bathroom, but I thought that was just a bit much. After hiding all the paperwork I sent Teito back to Frau, who inspected Teito thoroughly to see if I broke him in some way.

"Yukari…where is my paperwork?" a steaming, rage filled Krowell loomed over me.

"Well, you see Krowell. This magical, invisible person came in here and decided to scatter all your paperwork everywhere!" I turned around as if I was gonna point him to a piece of paperwork. "And that is ALL IM GONNA SAY BYE!" I ran out the door, setting a new record for everyone on running away from the Chief of Staff.


	8. Kuroyuri

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY BIT OF 07 GHOST. I ONLY OWN MY OWN CHARACTERS. SPECIAL THANKS TO ****Mryhh ****FOR GIVING ME THE RANDOM TOPIC FOR THIS CHAPTER. HERE'S YOUR STORY AS PROMISED, AND THANK YOU! PLEASE ENJOY THIS STORY~ AND KEEP THOSE RANDOM TOPICS FOR MY PLOT BUNNIES COMING! **

**Btw people, if you really want the next release date for any of my stories, you can check my profile for and APPROXIMATE date it will be released. The only reason I might not make it is if something terrible happens, like a surprise giant project, flaming rainbow cupcakes of polka dotted death and etc.**

"Come on Yukari. It's just a bit of water! We'll have fun!" Hyuuga waved around a squirt gun.

"No. I am not getting anywhere near that pool." I promptly turned around and gave Hyuuga a clear look at my backside. I was not gonna talk to him anytime soon. Not that it would work, he'd just talk to me.

"Come on! Even Aya-tan's in the water!" Hyuuga pointed at the Barsburg Chief of Staff who had on a pair of red swim trunks and was standing in the middle of the pool, miserably.

"Only because Chairman Miroku told him he should get in the pool, and that if he didn't I would be transferred to the first fleet." I retorted. "And no I'm not getting into the water/"

"YUKARI-CHAN!" Kuroyuri yelled from the pool. "GET IN THE POOL! IT'S FUN!"

"No."

Kuroyuri then started to tear up, "B-but Y-yukari-c-chan!" I gave up, went inside the bathroom, changed and hopped into the pool.

"YAY!" Kuroyuri then continued swimming as I made my way over to Ayanami to sulk with him.

"Oh hey, you're in the pool." Ayanami then realized. I just solemnly nodded.

"Kuroyuri made me." I explained before he pushed me under the water. I gave him my best death glare while sinking and then tackled him from under the water. To everyone above the water, it seemed as if the Chief of Staff lost balance while STANDING perfectly still.

"Ha!" I yelled as I surfaced the water, but he was faster, so he loomed over me in rage. I immediately ran (or at least I tried to run in the water) to where Kuroyuri was, grabbed him and used him as a shield from all the daggers Ayanami was staring at me.

It worked perfectly.

After putting Kuroyuri down I made my way back over to Hyuuga and asked for a pail.

"Watcha gonna do with a pail Yukari-chan~?" Hyuuga asked. I just smiled evilly.

"You'll see." I said was I laughed evilly as I advanced towards my dear finacee.

Author's Note: And I'll leave the rest for you to imagine. Yeah and I know I got lazy. Really lazy. I'm sorry I was drafting Monochromatic and Nexus at the same time plus working on Diver so yeah…..


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